Candle Meditation

Guru-Ji 

gave me 

this candle

and told me 

to light it

close my eyes

and meditate.

 

Then he went to the other corner and lit a candle of his own, sat down, like me, meditating on the flame. I watched him, wanting to be the same, to learn his peace of mind. 

My candle is very thin. It burns fast and it is burning towards my hands. I remember my mother told me to not touch fire. I did it anyway and I got burned. I was very young. My finger got red and I got a blister and it hurt for a long time. 

I wish Guru-Ji had told me what to do with the candle, when the flame gets close to my hands. It will probably burn down in 15 minutes, this candle. What will I do then? I can see the light through my eyelids and I think I can feel the heat a bit. I am not supposed to look and I have to hold my hands like this, so I can't feel the length of the candle. But I will know before I burn my fingers. I am sure I will. What if the candle drips? Will it be hot? 

I wonder how fast it burns and how much time has gone. 

I wonder what Guru-Ji will do with his candle. Will he extinguish the flame with his mind - or will he simply transcend the fire and not be touched by it? Guru-Ji knows the Element of Fire. He is great. He has the power of mind. Will he know how to squeeze the candle so he can get it to extinguish?

I know he will do it in an elegant way. A Guru way. Will the flame touch him or not? Will I be able to do the same? Does he expect this of me? I fear the fire, but I want to please Guru-Ji. I should do what is the least disruptive. I do not want my flame to go out, the candle symbolizes the inner enlightenment and one candle can light 1000 other candles and its flame will not diminish ... but it will go out, if I do not figure this riddle out.

Maybe I'll just PEEK a little and check .. yes... lots of candle left. Lots of time to figure it out. I will not get burned yet. Maybe I will get lucky and Guru-Ji's candle will burn down faster than mine and I can see what he does with it and how long he endures the flame ... but I am not supposed to look. I am cheating now, I just don't know how to do it without knowing what will happen and what is expected of me... No. I don't think I will be in luck. Guru-Ji's candle is burning slower than mine. He is holding it very still, so the wax does not run or splash up on the sides, so the wick gets longer .. that's what mine does. I am sloshing it! It burns fast! Guru-Ji burns the candle better than I do mine. I am wasteful and I am not sitting still and I am sitting here looking around. I'll close my eyes and sit VERY still, perhaps my candle will burn less fast. I will MAKE my candle last longer than Guru-Ji's candle. Maybe he will come over and take my candle and tell me what to do.

Maybe I did it too late! I can feel the heat on my middle finger get stronger. It does not hurt still, but it is getting warm. I wonder how Guru-Ji is doing? Bother! He has a LOT of candle left. Mine is almost down to my finger. Soon I will get burned on my middle fingers. And my index fingers soon after that. I have not made a decision! Guru-Ji's candle will outlast mine and he is not moving at all. I did not hold the candle all straight and a stream of wax is moving slowly in between the tips of my index fingers... if I tip it back, the flame gets closer to my index fingers. I can't do that, I will burn my fingers soon! I am scared. I don't know how to transcend the fire or the flame or where to put the flame so it does not go out! Will I fail my test??? What am I supposed to do? I can't disturb Guru-Ji, he is meditating. Should I put the candle down? It will tip over! Should I blow it out? Guru-Ji will know I was looking! I am sure of it! I don't want to make a sound blowing it out! I want to be as discrete as possible. Maybe I can pretend I did not know the candle went out, if I blow it out very carefully???!?! Ooooh! What would Guru-Ji do?

Ah!

The candle drops to the floor, spilling wax on my left leg. Then it rolls a bit, leaving a trail of wax.
Guru-Ji does not even flinch. It sounded very loud. My leg does not hurt a lot. I keep my hands together, but my fingers hurt. Guru-Ji still has lots of candle left. He can go much longer. He is sitting very still. Can I meditate without my candle? I don't think so, it is a candle meditation ... so what should I do now??!?!I hope Guru-Ji soon ...

Guru-Ji now opens his eyes, blows out the candle and puts it down on its end. It balances upright and he does not spill a drop of wax. I watch him with envy. I wish I had known it was okay to just do that. So simple. He slowly rotates, still in lotus position and looks straight at me.

He does not waste a word. Words are too many. He just looks at me, with a kind look that says

"yes, that simple". 

And I realize I have not spent one second in the present for fear of not delivering the perfect ending.

Guru-Ji later that day told me he had put the candle out with his mind, when it woke him from his meditation. I probably looked puzzled. I thought I saw him blow it out, like an ordinary human being.

He smiled and said that his mind told his mouth to blow out the candle and it did.