Micro-kindness

Remember the movie "Gaslight"?
Being Gaslighted is a psychotherapy term for a relationship, where one partner drives the other insane by removing all their faith in themselves. Their sense of reality is bent until it breaks.

In the movie, it was done deliberately and with a motive. Events were staged and evidence removed.
This happens ... but something happens even more often:

There is a danger in any relationship, which have taken out more relationships, I believe, than any other single danger. It's called micro-aggression. I heard that term for the first time this morning and I realized it is a very very important concept to REALLY get.

In the day-to-day noise of life happening, we make tiny little choices all the time. It's not unlike making the choice of rounding a payment ending on 5 cents up or down to the nearest dime.
The microscopic acts of kindness or cruelty are so small, they all end up hiding in the noise.
Each cruelty so small, it's not fair to make an issue out of it. It's just not worth the sore throat, the potential passive aggressive retaliation and the sinking feeling for the rest of the evening to actually call it and DO something about it.

Besides, you'll look like a nutcase.
Because it was really nothing. Arguing about nothing is called bickering...

The downside to keeping peace is that it will drive you absolutely up a tree. 
Chinese water torture. Drip. Drip. Drip. Disguised as rain. All natural.
Nothing to see here. Nothing to complain about.

Of course, it affects whether YOUR next 5 cents are rounded up or down.

Ignoring a question.
Pretending not to hear.
Doodling around when the partner is in a hurry.
Taking the last cup of coffee.
Not emptying the dishwasher.
Leaving the dishwasher open to point this out.
Bringing up stressful issues when the partner asks for connection.
Being annoyed about hugs at the wrong times.
Being too busy to hear a story ... watching the food channel. 
Not saying thank you.
Borrowing tools and not returning them. Again.
Ignoring repeated requests to wrap food when returning it to the fridge.
Putting gross things in the kitchen sink.
Letting the heat out before leaving the partner home alone.
Being late.
Not waiting for the partner to buckle in before driving off.
Going to bed much later than the partner and waking up cranky.
Making idiotic things more important than the now.
Finding the little thing that's wrong with the gift.
Finding little things too small.
Big things too big.
Right things slightly wrong.

If you, at the end of the day, have more than $1 in cruelty cash on your hands, maybe you're short-changing yourself in the process of short-changing your partner.

It's not going to break the budget in any way to round the 5 cents the right way every time. 
Misery is expensive in lost efficiency and lack of motivation. Not to speak of divorces.

Therefore ... resolve to micro-kindness. Make the noise of life a happy noise.
Even if you don't have money or time to give great gifts and luxurious vacations,
remembering to give, a symbolic offering at the Temple of Love is considered as great
as truckloads of gold and myrrh in the eyes of Cupid.

/<