It has been 30 days since my last squirrel.

My name is Kent Johansen,
I am a distraction addict.
It has been 30 days since my last Squirrel.
(audience applauds)

So, people are teasing people with ADHD and ADD and such that they chase squirrels and (where did my coffee go) suddenly disappear out of conversations. Their minds fly around. Mmmmm. Mango Pudding. That's not fair. The teasers are just not noticing really loud distractions.
Christina Hendricks. Hrm. Where were we?

Here's what I am going to tell you about Squirrels and people with AD(H)D.

Have you ever noticed a squirrel trying to warn other squirrels? They are completely, super, over, mega, hyper vigilant and see any danger coming. They go through insane measures to warn the entire forest against approaching danger:

Here's what they do:

They tap their teeny weenie front paws two millimeter up and down and whisper "tsk tsk tsk".
The insane racket of the alarm can be heard almost 2 meters away on a silent morning.
Sometimes they even shake their tails a teeny weenie bit. More like vibrate.
Usually they will make the spectacle even more insane by hiding behind the tree trunk.

Believe you me, squirrels are able to make quite impressive sounds. We once caught and relocated a two-colored pirate squirrel from the garden. He was really foul mouthed and had several tattoos and a wooden leg. He screamed and growled and yelled and swore at us, even pissed through the bars to show us how mad he was. He'd have torn our heads off given half a chance and pee'd down the throat hole. Squirrels are not fun animals, they are just member of The Union of Cute Animals. They are killers. Egg thieves. Roof wreckers. Pirate squirrel was relocated because he tore entire boards out of our house with his left hand to get in and wreck the home from inside. His rage was impressive.

Are squirrels not interested in warning other squirrels?
Is this some kind of pirate animal "psst, you, you dropped a $100 note ... oh I guess you did not hear me". ??
Are they faking it?

NO!

I figured it out. Usually people who are easily distracted or have been lucky enough to be diagnosed having ADD or ADHD by a well meaning drug pusher, sorry, psychologist ... are actually sensitive artists. They may even be psychic empaths. Things are LOUD, BIG and EMOTIONAL to them.
They feel the grass grow, hear the sun shine, sense the storm brewing 200 km away or the Earth cracking, preparing for an earthquake. The heartbeats of Birds. The horny of the Elk.

Empaths regularly find themselves in other people's shoes. POW. It happens to them in supermarkets and crowded places. Suddenly SAD walks up behind them and they shed a tear. Or happy. Or serial killer. That's why empaths don't like Boxing Day and Black Friday. They can do 10 minutes and they want home because they are tired of feeling like Jack the Ripper and Mr. Rogers alternating every 10 seconds.

At the risk of being really weird (a risk I frequently and joyfully take) I will reveal the secret about squirrels: They warn other squirrels by telepathy! The tapping and shaking and tsk tsk ing is just to get the juices going. Meanwhile the Ether resounds with a 150 decibel telepathic squirrel warning: WHEEEEEEEE INSANE GUY IN CRAZY NON-MATCHING SOCKS ENTERED FOREST. 

And I go: "Look! Squirrel"

To the mundane person, sadly limited to only 5 dull senses, it's a little tree climbing, unionized rat with a bottle cleaner tail that's tapping its tiny fingers self-importantly. Nothing to write home about.

Not to me.
I'll have my squirrel, thank you.
If you had a 150 dB siren go off next to your ear, you'd be distracted too.
And put the Ritalin away.

/<